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The Gottman Institute has published five approaches for parents concerned that a teenager may go along with a friend’s risky behavior, including riding with an unlicensed driver. The guidance emphasizes discussing the specific behavior, understanding the social cost of refusing, practicing responses and keeping communication open; it is advice, not a report of a new study or policy.
The Gottman Institute has published guidance for parents on how to help teenagers resist peer pressure, using the example of a teen being offered a ride by an unlicensed friend. Its five suggested approaches focus on discussing the behavior at issue, understanding the fear of exclusion and rehearsing ways to refuse while keeping a route home available.
The advice starts by separating a young person’s feelings about a friend from concern about a particular choice. A parent can state that a ride with an unlicensed driver is not acceptable without demanding that the teenager condemn a friend they care about. The institute recommends asking what the friends encourage one another to do, rather than focusing only on whether the teenager knows a rule.
It also advises parents to ask what makes refusing difficult. A teenager may worry that friends will laugh, withdraw an invitation or leave them out later. The institute suggests discussing that social cost directly, then practicing language the teenager might actually use, such as, “No, I’m not getting in.” Rehearsal can include planning how the teen would leave and whom they could call for a safe ride.
If a teenager admits to making a risky choice, the guidance recommends hearing the account before deciding how to respond. Parents can acknowledge the fear of exclusion while still addressing the decision. The institute also suggests helping teens build other friendships through activities they enjoy, giving them more social options if they want distance from a particular peer group.
Refusal Without Losing Belonging
The guidance addresses a gap between knowing a rule and feeling able to follow it when friends are watching. A teenager may understand that an unlicensed driver poses a risk and still find it difficult to refuse a ride if saying no could threaten a valued friendship. Treating the situation only as disobedience can leave that social pressure unaddressed.
For families, the practical issue is both safety and communication. A teenager who expects to be heard may be more willing to explain what happened and seek help getting home. The institute’s suggestions do not establish that any particular conversation will prevent risky behavior; they offer parents ways to discuss boundaries while preserving trust and a teen’s ability to ask for help.
teen safety ride with unlicensed driver
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Research Behind the Advice
The institute supports its recommendations with research on peer influence and parent-teen communication. It cites psychologist Thomas Dishion and colleagues’ study of 186 boys aged 13–14 and their friends. The researchers reported that rule-breaking talk followed by laughter predicted increased self-reported rule-breaking over the following two years. They called the pattern “deviancy training.” This finding concerns that study group and does not mean every friendship involving joking or rule-breaking will lead to harmful behavior.
The article also cites Laurence Steinberg and Kathryn Monahan’s study of more than 3,600 people, which found that self-reported resistance to peer influence increased particularly between ages 14 and 18. A study by Håkan Stattin and Margaret Kerr, involving 703 Swedish 14-year-olds and their parents, found that parents learned about teens’ activities mainly through what the young people voluntarily disclosed. The article uses these findings to support practice and open communication, rather than presenting them as tests of its five recommendations.
The example throughout is specific: a friend offers a short drive despite not having a license. The institute’s broader point is that parents can hold a clear boundary around the ride while asking what the teenager values in the friendship and how disagreement is handled.
““You cannot ride with someone who isn’t licensed.””
— The Gottman Institute
Limits of the Available Evidence
The source is a parenting guidance article, not a report of a new intervention trial or a newly announced policy. The material provided does not state when the article was published, and it does not give details such as study publication dates, methods or measures beyond the summaries quoted in the report.
The cited research does not establish that the five approaches will work for every teenager or prevent a particular incident. It is also unclear from the source how often the unlicensed-driver scenario occurs or how the advice applies across different family, cultural or legal circumstances. The article presents strategies for discussion, not a substitute for local driving laws or immediate steps to protect a young person from an unsafe ride.
Applying the Advice at Home
The institute’s recommendations point to a continuing conversation rather than a single intervention: ask about the friendship and the behavior, agree on a clear safety boundary, rehearse a refusal, and make a practical plan for getting home. Parents can also support activities and friendships that give a teenager additional people to rely on.
The source material does not announce a follow-up study, new program or further publication date. It points readers to Gottman Parenting: Teen Success for support with teen friendships, independence and family conversations. For now, the next step described is for parents to discuss the specific pressure their teenager faces and listen to the teen’s account.
Key Questions
What is the Gottman Institute recommending?
It suggests that parents discuss the specific behavior that worries them, ask what makes refusal difficult, practice responses, listen if a teenager shares what happened and support other friendships and activities.
What example does the article use?
A teenager is offered a ride by a friend who does not have a license. The article advises parents to set a clear limit on the ride while exploring the social pressure the teenager may feel.
Does the article report a new study proving these approaches work?
No. It cites earlier research on peer influence and parent-teen disclosure to frame its advice. The material provided does not describe a trial testing whether the five approaches prevent risky choices.
How can a parent help a teen practice saying no?
The article suggests role-playing a realistic exchange, letting the teenager try words they would use and planning how they would leave and contact someone for a safe ride.
What should a parent do if a teen says they accepted a risky ride?
The institute advises listening to the teenager’s account before responding, acknowledging the pressure they felt and still addressing the decision to get in the car.
Source: rss
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