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A Bolde report examines why some people apologize when someone else bumps into them, suggesting that an automatic peacekeeping habit may reflect early family experiences. The article draws on survey data, a small apology study and clinical ideas, but those sources do not establish that childhood conflict causes this behavior.
A Bolde report examines why some people say “sorry” after another person bumps into them, suggesting the reflex may reflect a learned effort to keep the peace. The explanation draws on research about apologies and family conflict, but the cited material does not establish that childhood experiences cause this specific habit.
The report describes the apology as an automatic response: the word comes out before the person has worked out who caused the collision. It interprets this as a possible sign that the person has learned to treat friction between people as a problem they should fix. That is the report’s interpretation, rather than a finding from a study of people apologizing after being bumped.
Bolde cites a 2023 YouGov survey of more than 9,500 American adults. It says 24% reported apologizing for things outside their control at least once a day, while 11% said they did so several times a day. The survey did not ask why respondents apologized, according to the report; it therefore describes how often people reported the behavior, not its cause.
The article also discusses a 2010 diary study by University of Waterloo researchers Karina Schumann and Michael Ross. The 66 participants recorded apologies and offenses. Women reported apologizing more often, but also reported more offenses; men and women apologized for similar shares of the offenses they noticed. In a follow-up, women rated the same offenses as more serious. The small study addressed differences in how people judge offenses, not childhood experiences or apologies after collisions.
When an Apology Becomes a Reflex
The report’s practical point is that frequent apologizing is not, by itself, proof of weakness. An apology after an accidental bump may be a social reflex, an effort to avoid awkwardness, or a habit shaped by a person’s experiences. The article offers one possible explanation for the behavior, but readers should not treat it as a diagnosis or a reliable way to infer someone’s childhood.
Its distinction between a deliberate apology and an automatic one may help readers notice when they accept blame without considering what happened. The cited evidence does not show that every person who apologizes this way is managing family tension, or that apologizing is harmful. The report’s broader relevance lies in inviting reflection on the behavior’s possible function while leaving room for other explanations.
What the Cited Research Examines
The report uses emotional security theory, developed by Patrick Davies and E. Mark Cummings in the 1990s, to explain how conflict between parents can affect a child’s sense of safety. In the account presented by Bolde, children may respond to family conflict with distress, avoidance or involvement. The article suggests that trying to calm adults could become a learned response, but the theory does not, on the evidence cited here, prove that this produces adult apologies after everyday collisions.
Bolde also describes psychotherapist Pete Walker’s addition of “fawn” to the familiar fight, flight and freeze responses. Walker used the term for a pattern of appeasing others to reduce threat. The report acknowledges that this idea comes from his clinical work with trauma survivors, is not a formal diagnosis and has not been established by controlled studies in the material cited. It also quotes trauma therapist Shreya Mandal, writing in Psychology Today, who says the response “is not born of weakness.”
““This response is not born of weakness.””
— Trauma therapist Shreya Mandal, as quoted in the Bolde report
What the Evidence Cannot Establish
The survey did not ask about causes, and the 2010 study examined how adults identified and rated offenses. Neither source, as described in the report, tested whether exposure to tense family relationships leads people to apologize when someone else bumps into them. The connection is an interpretation built from separate research and clinical concepts.
The article also does not provide evidence that this response has one explanation for everyone who displays it. A quick apology could have several meanings, and the cited figures do not show how many survey respondents apologized after being bumped. The report’s account of fawning is a clinical framework, not a formal diagnosis or a conclusion confirmed by the survey.
Questions Future Research Could Answer
The report does not identify a scheduled study or announcement. Its account points to an evidence gap: research would need to ask people about specific everyday apologies, including what happened, whether the apology felt automatic and what they believed it would accomplish. To test a link with childhood conflict, researchers would also need to measure those experiences directly rather than infer them from adult behavior.
For now, the cited findings support narrower conclusions: many surveyed adults reported apologizing for things outside their control, and people can differ in what they count as an offense. Whether early peacekeeping explains reflexive apologies remains an open question in the material Bolde cites.
Key Questions
What does the report say may explain apologizing after being bumped?
Bolde suggests it may be a learned peacekeeping habit, possibly connected to early family experiences. The cited sources do not establish that cause for this specific behavior.
How many adults in the cited survey apologized for things outside their control?
The report says a 2023 YouGov survey of more than 9,500 American adults found 24% did so at least once a day and 11% several times a day. The survey did not ask why, and the report gives no comparison baseline for these figures.
Does the 2010 study explain why people apologize after collisions?
No. The study tracked apologies and offenses among 66 adults and examined how participants judged offenses. It did not study childhood conflict or collision-related apologies.
Is the “fawn” response a formal diagnosis?
The report says Walker developed the idea through clinical work with trauma survivors and that it is not a formal diagnosis. It presents the concept as one clinical framework, not a confirmed explanation for everyone who apologizes readily.
Source: rss
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