TL;DR
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A personal essay published by The Good Men Project argues that people seeking emotional closure may choose to end casual contact with former partners. The author recommends avoiding check-in messages, indirect updates and digital reminders, while recognizing that co-parenting can require ongoing communication. The piece presents personal opinion, not research establishing that no contact is right for everyone.
A personal essay published by The Good Men Project argues that people who want to move on from a relationship may benefit from ending routine contact with former partners, including casual messages and social-media reminders. The author presents the approach as a personal choice, not a universal rule, and identifies co-parenting as a reason ex-partners may need to stay in communication.
The author describes treating ex-partners as people who are no longer part of their life, while stressing that this is not an expression of hatred. The essay says the author does not want to preserve an acquaintance-like relationship after a serious relationship ends, describing that arrangement as a diluted version of a bond that once mattered.
As an example, the author says an ex who is now married has contacted them several times over the years to catch up. The author says they do not believe the former partner has hidden motives, but questions the purpose of the messages and suggests they could make a current spouse uncomfortable. This is the writer’s interpretation of the situation; the essay offers no response from the ex or spouse.
The essay recommends avoiding what it calls low-stakes contact, asking mutual friends for updates, keeping emotionally charged photos or message histories readily accessible, seeking a final conversation long after a breakup, and repeatedly discussing the former partner while dating someone new. It also urges readers not to leave a relationship open-ended if they have decided it is over. These are the author’s recommendations, rather than findings from a study cited in the piece.
Choosing Boundaries After a Breakup
The essay addresses a familiar post-breakup disagreement: whether former partners should try to remain friends or stop communicating. It offers a clear case for firm boundaries, particularly for people who find that occasional messages or reminders keep a past relationship emotionally present.
Its advice may prompt readers to review how contact affects them, but the piece does not establish that cutting contact is necessary or beneficial for everyone. Practical circumstances differ. Former partners may share parenting responsibilities, finances, friends or other obligations, and those ties can make a complete break impractical. The article itself acknowledges that healthy co-parenting may call for continued communication.
For readers in new relationships, the author also raises a question about how casual contact with an ex might be received by a current partner. The essay frames this as a concern, not evidence that such messages are inherently inappropriate or harmful.
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The source is a first-person opinion essay, not a reported investigation or a clinical guide. Its title uses the phrase “treat my exes like they’re dead,” but the author clarifies that the comparison is about ending involvement, not wishing former partners harm or denying that the relationships mattered.
The writer’s reasoning rests on their own experience: after investing in a relationship, they do not want to maintain what they see as an awkward, diminished connection once it ends. They argue that limiting reminders and indirect updates can help them look ahead. The source provides no publication date, named research, expert interviews or evidence about how common this preference is.
““I treat my exes like they died. Not because I hate them. Not because I’m bitter or wish them harm.””
— The essay’s author
Limits of the Essay’s Advice
The source gives one person’s perspective and does not establish whether cutting off contact helps people generally, how outcomes vary, or how long any emotional effects last. It cites no research or mental-health professionals, and it does not compare no contact with other ways of maintaining boundaries.
The circumstances around the married former partner’s messages are also limited to the author’s account. The essay says the author believes the ex is happily married and has not crossed a line, but it gives no details about the messages, the spouse’s views or whether the ex knows the author does not want contact. The source does not set out how its advice applies when ex-partners share children or other responsibilities beyond briefly naming co-parenting as an exception.
Applying Boundaries to Real Life
The essay does not announce a forthcoming study, follow-up or policy change. Its practical next step for readers is to decide what kind of contact they want after a breakup, then communicate that boundary where needed. That might mean declining check-ins, muting reminders or asking mutual friends not to share updates, rather than assuming every former couple should follow the same approach.
Where former partners share children or have unavoidable responsibilities, communication may need to continue in a limited, purposeful way. The source does not offer a detailed co-parenting plan. Readers should treat its suggestions as personal opinion and adapt them to their circumstances, especially where safety, legal arrangements or shared caregiving responsibilities are involved.
Key Questions
What is the essay arguing?
The author argues that people who want to move on may choose to stop casual contact with ex-partners, limit reminders and avoid seeking a final conversation. The recommendations reflect the author’s experience, not a rule for every breakup.
Does the author say they hate their exes?
No. The author says the decision to disengage is not based on hatred or wishing former partners harm. They describe wanting no ongoing connection after a relationship has ended.
Does the essay say ex-partners should never communicate?
No. It identifies co-parenting as a reason communication may be necessary. It does not provide detailed guidance for other shared responsibilities or circumstances.
Is the essay’s advice supported by research?
The supplied article does not cite research or expert interviews. It is a first-person opinion essay, so readers should not treat its claims as established evidence that no contact works best for everyone.
Source: goodmenproject.com
